Feeling disappointed with yourself?

Tbh: My 5 year younger self would be disappointed with me.

I had a clear picture of where I wanted to be in 5 years:

Self-employed, rich, or on the way to getting rich, big car, fancy apartment, nice suits, and savings account for my parents' retirement.

My current situation looks very different from that: I'm living in a 40-square-meter apartment, I have 6 t-shirts, 4 being the exact same ones, I work part-time employed and part-time on a mini-job base, earning roughly half the average salary in Germany.

A full-on failure.

But here's what is more important: My yesterday self would be proud of me.

I don't necessarily like this perspective: "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Truth is: 5 years is a very, very long time. A time with constant changes and learnings about yourself. It's like slowly peeling a lime, slice for a slice, discovering more what's under the peel, sour-sweet revealing the truth.

5 years ago, I was not truly following my own goals. How could I, given that I only had 22 years of experience discovering myself. In fact, I was pursuing the most apparent goals presented to me by society, materialism, and western cultures, or however you want to call them.

I have changed. I am the same person, in the same way, that I am a completely different person. I still have absolutely no clue where I am going in life or even in which direction I should be heading.

But I can say 2 things for sure:

5 years younger self: You have an interesting journey in front of you. It won't lead you to where you're hoping to be right now. But it will be fine.

5 years older me: I have no idea where you'll end up. What you will wear, how you will look, if you'll still have hair or not, how you'll talk, which language you will speak daily, and which professional path you will pursue.

But I trust you that you will have figured something out that I don't know right now. So I am anxiously but full of hope looking up and forward to you. Excited about where you will lead us.

I am now 27 and still trying to figure out that mystery called life. Knowing that this will be a lifelong journey without ever finding the answer.

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